Triumphs & Tragedy

Yes, it's been a LITTLE while since my last post. I need to keep up better. I've just been so down lately about everything in the world: wishing I could provide more for my son & be a better example to him, my weight, finances, my job as a coach, my spiritual walk, my age (27 this year!), etc. I think every winter I get the blues & they start going away after stupid Valentine's Day. I was really excited when I went out to my car at 5:30pm & it wasn't completely dark out! That was AMAZING!

Progress? Not so much. I haven't even stepped on a scale in months. I will soon though. Promise.

Triumph #1 was getting on the treadmill the other day for 17 minutes (approximately 2,000 steps - I'm trying to do 10,000 steps a day.)

Triumph #2 (this is a big one for me) I have a hard time coming out of Wal-mart w/o buying any junk food. I was there around 11pm Sunday night and I was just about to leave when I spotted the Valentine's Day candy. (Yes, I hate Valentine's Day, but candy is candy.) I have the Biggest sweet tooth on the planet ... I'm convinced of that. So there I was, tired & crabby (b/c I lost a receipt I needed to take something back) and I was looking at the Hershey Kisses. These weren't just any kisses ... no, these were wrapped in silver and red foil!!!!! Oh they looked so good! I could just taste the milk chocolate on my tongue! W/o thinking, I just grabbed the bag and threw it in my cart. "You deserve this, Natalie." I told myself. I started walking to the check out full speed ahead. I was just going to do it! "That lady just grabbed 3 bags and she's twice your size!!!" But then I though, yeh ... that's probably why she's 2x my size too, huh? So, I swallowed hard, took a deep breath and put the bag down and walked away. I paid for my stuff and left.

I did it! I actually had something in my cart and put it back! It was an accomplishment. Some people will not realize how extremely difficult that was. Some people do it all the time. I rarely am able to say no! I realized 2 things:
#1 - I am capable of saying "no."
#2 - Fat people motivate me. No, seriously! They do. I'm talking the really big people. I look at them & think, that could so easily be me! I love sweets, carbs, and fast food. That right there is the equation for the 700 Club (the 700 pounds club).

Unfortunately, I didn't have a perfect week. I messed up big time today. Burger King before practice and McDonald's after practice. How sad is that? (Does it count for anything that I got bottled water instead of pop though?) I win one battle here & then the next battle I get demolished. *sigh*

Well, I'm back on the ball (the yoga ball) and REALLY want to win the war. There are many battles in the war made up of not just days, but moments. Every baby shower, bridal shower, snack time, meal time, vending machine, whatever it is ... it's a battle. And by George, I want to win!